Closet Organization Ideas
If I just had more closet space! The problem with that remark is that there never will be enough closet space because we all tend to accumulate stuff, therefore we’re right back where we were, wishing for more closet space. Making the decision to organize our closets requires a good, hard look at our stuff and our desire for more stuff. So, the first thing you need to do to get your closets organized is to take a deep breath. Now, you can begin.
Step One: Take a Deep Breath
Okay, we already covered that. But, the truth is that it is the most important step. Once you have made a decision to organize your closets, you most likely have realized that stuff has to go. That is not an easy decision. We would really like to hold onto as much stuff as humanly possible. Start slowly by first choosing which closet to begin cleaning. Take it one closet at a time so you don’t become overwhelmed. Perhaps the least stressful closet for you would be a linen closet. Perhaps a pantry or entryway closet would be the least painful. Your clothes closet is usually the most stressful and is not for the faint-of-heart. It may take an extended period of time simply to sort through the clothes that have been hanging there for a year or more gathering dust without ever seeing the light of day. Whichever closet you decide to tackle first, be sure to give yourself a break if you get over anxious about throwing something away. You don’t have to finish this project in one day, so make yourself a pot of coffee and read on.
Step Two: Sorting Boxes
This procedure SHOULD be stress free. You make it that way by remembering that you can remove anything from any box and move it around to another category if you choose. The trick is to go VERY QUICKLY through every item in the closet, making your decision which box to put the items in almost as soon as you touch them. Depending on your own personal situation, your box titles will vary. You’ll most likely have a “Keep” box, a “Give Away or Sell” box, and a “Throw Away” box. Now, you may need to make your boxes more specific, like a box labeled with your children’s names, a box for keepsakes only, a box for a favorite charity, a box for your cottage, and so forth. If it seems overwhelming when you start labeling your boxes, you’re thinking too hard. At that point, go back to the three basics: Keep, Give Away or Sell, and Throw Away. You will be going back through your boxes again, so you don’t need to get too technical at first.
Step Three: Inventory
Once you’ve reviewed the items that should remain in your life, put the ”Keep” items back in the closet. Consider this temporary, as you may be shifting things around a bit once you have taken inventory throughout your house. Continue with the next closet using the same techniques of sorting in labeled boxes. Once you have gone through your house, wholesale cleaning and sorting each closet, you are ready to really organize. Begin by making an inventory of what you have. This can be as general or as complicated as you want to make it. Try simple categories at first, such as sports, gift wrapping, games, holiday decorations, and so on. Draw a simple floor plan if it helps.
Step Four: Assess Each Closet’s Use
Start assessing the way you have your things distributed in the closets throughout your house. Do you need to switch items to a different closet, either for space or ease of use? Sometimes we just start putting things in closets, not thinking about when we’ll need them later and we don’t take the time to move them to a better location. Now is the time to start organizing your thoughts about what makes the most sense to store together in a given closet. Take your time and don’t be afraid to change your mind a few times. This is a process that takes some time and the results may change over time.
Step Five: Maximize Your Closet Space
Now, measure your closets carefully, drawing simple diagrams of each one. Then, armed with your closet’s measurements, start looking at all the storage options available to see what will work best for you. Do you want to use built-in shelves or moveable shelves? Do you want to use one of the units that you can put together that have bins, baskets and rods? If you begin to doubt your competence in building the more complicated units, get some advice. They are not that difficult once you begin, but you do require some basic tools and skills. Simple and inexpensive bookcase-type units may be just what you need in one of your closets. Clear plastic storage boxes that stack easily are always great additions in almost any closet. Consider specialized storage items with an eye for creativity. A canvas shoe storage bag may be used for storing small items that would otherwise get lost in a big closet. Those little cardboard dressers may be just the right size to fit perfectly where nothing else will go. Also, do some thinking about those space-saver bags for seldom used or seasonal clothes. They really can save you some much needed space. Once you have your closets organized, you may even want to make a master list of what is in each closet and review it once a year or so just to avoid the over-accumulation problem you just solved.
A Special Note: Your Clothes Closet
I believe our clothes closet deserves a little special attention. Although, the basic steps apply to the closet that holds your wardrobe, your clothing will require some real focused time. Most people have clothing in their closets that they have not worn, or even seen, for years. One of the most difficult tasks when sorting your clothes is deciding what to give away or even throw away. We want to keep it all, of course. One of several thoughts occur the moment we lay our hands on any given piece of fabric: ”I love this and wear it often.”; “I like this and will wear it if I have nothing else.”; ”I don’t like the way this looks on me but its too good to get rid of.”, and the infamous; ”I’ll fit back into this after I lose the weight.” My thoughts on this whole process are; if you have the room for it, don’t fret about it. If you are jamming clothes into your closet, or if you are storing boxes and boxes of clothes that you can’t part with, then something has to give. If you don’t like how you look in something, get rid of it. If something doesn’t fit you, get rid of it. If you wear something often because you like it, keep it. You know when something fits you and looks good on you. If you catch a glimpse of yourself in a storefront window and cringe, get rid of it! Personally, I would rather have ten outfits that I love than one hundred and ten that I look bad in. The other thought about your clothes closet is this: if you can only spend money on one super-organizing closet unit, spend it in your clothes closet. The time and stress it saves you in the morning when you are trying to get dressed, is well worth the money.
Now, it’s time to begin.
Carve out a chunk of time for your project, and enjoy the sanity that comes from a well-organized closet! And be sure to check back here for more organization ideas and tips to come.
Garage & Basement Organization Ideas
Have you stepped inside your garage or basement recently, shook your head and walked out again? Probably two of the most dreaded areas of the home to clean and organize are the garage and the basement. There are boxes and piles of things there that haven’t seen the light of day in years. Out of sight, out of mind. We tend to throw anything and everything in the garage or basement intending to pick it up later and put it where it belongs. Of course, we never do get back to that item and, unfortunately, we most likely feel we’re going to lose our mind when we start thinking about taking on such a large task. How do we begin?
Step One: Throw Out The Junk
You’ll need to gather up some boxes and buy some good garbage bags before you begin. Start on one shelf or in one corner and start throwing unneeded items into boxes. If you have cans of old paint, paint supplies, and other chemicals, check with your local trash company for specifics about handling these items. You’ll want to set anything that could be toxic aside in boxes until you know what to do with them. Most communities offer a special pick up day for toxic products like old paint and chemicals. You may also have old small appliances and furniture that you’ll need to dispose of as well. Your garbage removal company will know what to tell you about those items as well. Anything that is normal trash, or recyclable items, you will dispose of as you normally would. It’s hard to know which corner to begin with, but once you get started, it does get easier. Be prepared for a full day or more of just cleaning out the trash.
Step Two: Inventory Items and Space
Once you get down to the items you need to keep, you can start planning your storage strategies. Making a list of the groups of items you store in your basement or garage is helpful. Some categories could include sports, tools, clothing, home repair, holidays, camping, bikes, games, and the list goes on and on. Along with the inventory, you should draw out a simple floor plan. There may be obstacles to your storage plan if you do not take into account certain permanent elements, like a freezer, built-in workbench, drop-down attic stairs, etc. Now you’ll have a general idea of the room you have to work with. While you have everything neatly categorized waiting in boxes in the middle of the room or out in the driveway, you may want to take this opportunity to give the floors and walls of your space a thorough washing and possible painting before you put everything back
Step Three: Sort Each Category
Within each of your categories you’ll need to determine if the items will be moved around during the year. For instance, are the clothes or sports items seasonal? Are there baby items being saved for a younger sibling or cousin? Are there sentimental things you won’t use again but you’re saving for keepsakes? If so, you’ll want to store them in labeled boxes in the back or top of storage areas to free up space for items you’ll need to retrieve often. Do you have a donation bin that you’ll need to access pretty regularly? What about recycling bins?
Step Four: Buy and Create Storage
The sanity of being organized is well worth the money spent on proper basement or garage storage units. Usually, storage shelves for a garage or basement are metal or plastic, so they will stand up to the less than perfect conditions of a garage or basement. Once you have a floor plan roughed out with your general categories mapped out on it, start shopping around for shelves and specialty storage items. Specialty storage items such as bike hooks, tool storage shelves and pegboards are incredible space saving items. An old favorite nuts, bolts, and small items organizing solution is made using baby food jars and a one inch board hung on the wall with shelf supports. Use an awl or nail to poke a hole in the lid of the baby jars and then use a short screw to affix the jar lids to bottom of the board and use a simple pair of shelf brackets screwed firmly into the wall to support it at eye level. Now you can put your little screws and nails or what-have-you into the baby jars and twist them into place under the shelf. There are many do-it-yourself storage units that are perfect for basements or garages, even overhead storage shelves made especially to work in a garage, but before you purchase one, make sure it will work with your garage door. You’ll also want to invest in a good supply of plastic storage containers that fit on your shelves. It’s important to invest in containers that protect your belongings from moisture, mildew and the occasional pest.
Step Five: Arrange Your Items
When storing things in the garage, again, it’s best to store them based on when and where you need them. Have a system in which you can rotate seasonal items to where you can get to them easily. If you’ve chosen peg board for a storage option, items like tools can be hung and an outline of its shape painted on the pegboard to illustrate where each tool belongs. Place bikes and sports equipment closest to the door so your kids don’t have to work their way past other items on their way to the driveway or basketball hoop. Have a shelf for your cleaning supplies near the door into the house. Store bird seed, planting soil, fertilizer, and other outside items near the door to avoid sprinkling dirt all the way across the floor on your way out to the garden or bird feeder. Shovels and rakes can be hung on the wall for easy access and also keeps them out of the way. Smaller garden tools could be kept in a basket with handles, for easy transport to the garden. If you have space, think about creating a ‘locker’ for each family member where they can store things they want easy access to and let them know whatever doesn’t fit in the locker has to find a home elsewhere. If your garage or basement leads into a laundry room or mud room, that offers other challenges, as it’s an open area that sees a lot of traffic daily. It can become a dumping ground for all kinds of things and, unlike closets, it’s harder to hide the clutter. Decide what you want stored in the mudroom. If items like small tools, boots, winter coats, or small toys need a home in the mudroom, a boot pad and a good array of hooks on the wall will help to keep these pieces out of the walkway.
Of course, no one said it would be easy. But, by following a few step-by-step procedures, you’ll have an idea of how to map out a plan so you have a greater chance of succeeding. Involve the whole family, and you may see results even more quickly! Good luck with this organizing challenge! And be sure to visit us again for more organization ideas and tips!
Frugal Meals for Thrifty Moms
Those meals out sure add up. A little work, planning lunches can add up to BIG savings…
Frugal Grocery Shopping - How can you save money on your grocery bills?
Quick Kids’ Meals - What do you do when you need to put dinner on the table in minutes?
Healthy Kids Meals - It’s not as difficult as you might think to make healthy meals your kids will love.>
Cheap Party Food – Cold Pasta Salad - When you need to bring a dish, pasta salad is quick and painless.
More Cheap Party Food-
How to throw a Frugal party the Easy Way.
Banish Boring Brown Bag Lunches! - These simple ideas are cheaper and healthier than dining out.
Frugal Nutritious Snacks for Children - Save money on food and medical bills by providing healthy snacks.
Freezer Cooking: A gift for Frugal Moms - How can I save time in the kitchen, make healthier meals and save money — at the same time?
Stocking Your Pantry: Meals in Minutes - Take-out food is so expensive. When you do a little preparing, you can actually fix meals in minutes.
Save Money, Grow Your Own Herbs - The high price of herbs at the grocery store may make you wonder — Why not save some money and grow your own? It’s simple, provided you have a sunny area to grow them.
Thrifty Meal Idea for Frugal Moms - Submitted by Thrifty Moms like You
Cheap Romantic Meals - Frugal Meals for a Romantic Evening.
Recommended Frugal Eating Resources
Frozen Assets: How to Cook for a Day and Eat for a Month
Frozen Assets Lite and Easy: How to Cook for a Day and Eat for a Month
Cook for a Day: Eat for a Month : Frozen Assets Readers’ Favorite
Are you tired of paying for Advertising? Keep reading…
The question I get asked most by Online Business Owners is…
“How can I get free Traffic to my Website or Blog?”
Hi! I’m Nicole Dean, Online Business Expert and I have been earning a full time living online since 2004.
For several years, my goal has been to help the little guys and gals to succeed.
Recently, I collected questions from women in business, and the most common question asked was “How can I find free advertising?”
The result is this free tutorial.
This is NOT a big Guru course.
It’s just the basic information that I run my business by. Things I personally use and recommend.
And, as always, I like to surround myself with other smart business people. I’ve asked these friends for their traffic advice as well!
I’ll cover some very simple ways to get links and traffic pointing to your website. Nothing overwhelming or too technical.
This is a No Hype Zone.
This course won’t make you rich. It won’t cure all your illnesses.
It’ll just help you get a grasp of how this whole internet marketing thing works and point you to some good resources to take you even further.
So, how it this course different from all the others?
This is a “for dummies” approach. It’s simple. It’s clear and it’s for those struggling to grasp all this stuff.
This course is for those of you who are not technical, and may or may not be able to even alter your own websites.
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NOTE: This is not the course for people looking for shortcuts and schemes to drive traffic to your sites. If that’s your goal, go away. Yep, click that little “x” right now and move along. |
This course is for people looking to build a business that lasts over time.
If that sounds like something you’re interested in, I hope you’ll join me.
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Here’s what others say about this free course:.
| Truth be told… I sign up for all of your courses. The information is great and I find that I can keep a lot of your messages in my folders and revert back to them. Thanks for all that you do for the Work at Home Mom (WAHM) community!- Aurelia Williams, RealLifeCoaching.net |
The more, the merrier!
When Dads Speak, Sons Listen
The other day I overheard my perfect husband preaching, once again, to our sons about how when he was younger he didn’t have all the luxuries that kids have nowadays. You boys don’t know how lucky you are - Oh No!
Here we go again. Glancing at my sons, you could practically see the boredom grow in the fertile soil of their disinterest.
Why when I was your age, I had to do chores until my fingers bled (yawn yawn), and I never watched TV - I played outside like a real boy (just call him Tarzan). I had to cut the grass, rake the leaves, sweep the pool, shovel the snow, and when I got older, I had to get a job to help pay for my college tuition. (Nominate this man for a Nobel immediately!)
Nowadays, kids have it too darned easy (On and on and on - blah, blah, blah).
Why, I never had access to look up answers on a computer like kids do today. I used my brain, by golly. (Einstein, no doubt).
My guys have heard it all before from dear old Dad. I see the eye-rolling and hear their heavy sighs. Right about now they are wondering if dear old Dad has anything better he needs to be doing, like trimming his nose hairs. But, he doesn’t.
When will they learn to just suck it up, button their lips and listen to their father’s good advice? It’s not like my husband enjoys hearing himself talk day in, day out. (God knows, that’s my job).
So, as I sit and listen to my preaching hubby, for the 10,000th time, deep down I am hoping that my boys will remember their father’s words when they have children of their own. Then they can continue in their father’s footsteps and watch the eye-rolling, hear the heavy sighing, and so on, and so on and so on.
What are fathers for anyway?
Paula Schmitt is a writer and mother of five children living in Vermont. Her columns and essays have appeared in several publications. Paula’s non-fiction book, Living In A Locker Room: A Mom’s Tale Of Survival In A Houseful Of Boys is available at amazon.com. Email her at paula@paulaschmitt.com or visit her at www.paulaschmitt.com
Kitchen Organization Ideas
When you decide that your mission this year is to get your home organized, you’ll find the kitchen has a distinct challenge as compared to the rest of the house. Unlike other rooms that may only need straightening up once a week or so, the kitchen requires constant cleaning and organizing throughout the day simply to maintain its function. But, you can save time, and your sanity, with some basic organizational strategies and ideas for clutter reduction.
Step One: Inventory
Take inventory of the kitchen. Pull out all of your pots and pans, utensils, storage containers, food wraps, plates, cups, cleaning supplies, and take note of what you have. Now is the time to get rid of anything you don’t need. If you haven’t used it in a year or more, donate it to someone who will. Don’t forget your ”holiday only” items and special serving pieces. Everything is going to need a spot, so be ruthless with your decisions regarding what to keep, especially if your space is limited.
Step Two: Function
Store your kitchen items based on each item’s function. This may seem elementary, but you are not going to save yourself any steps by storing plastic food containers in the back of the pantry with the muffin pans when you need them almost daily during clean up after a meal. For instance, keep the baking sheets in one cupboard near the oven, the cutting boards and knives near your vegetable chopping area, etc. Keep often needed preparation equipment near your general work area, not stuck in a cupboard or way up on a shelf on the other side of the kitchen.
Step Three: Consider Specialized Storage
Take into consideration storage units designed to use with specific items. A great space saver is a pot rack that can be hung from the ceiling. You must make sure you can identify the location of the ceiling studs and you must use the right kind of anchor bolts that will support the weight of the rack and pans. If you are not a competent do-it-yourselfer, or lack the proper tools, get the help of a certified carpenter before you attempt to hang a pot rack. Also check out the vast array of portable workspaces like rolling carts. They quite often have storage space built in and can be put in a corner, closet or pantry when not in use. Items as simple as spinning racks for spices, larger spinning trays for inside bottom cabinets, stacking shelves, wire pull-out baskets, and countless ready-made units, will amaze you with the “found space” you’ll be able to use at a relatively inexpensive price tag. If you don’t have a window above your sink, measure the space and go shopping! You’ll be amazed at what sort of inexpensive dish storage pieces you can find.
Step Four: Creative Storage
You might have an old bookshelf in your hallway or back porch that could be put to use storing extra canned goods, paper products and seldom used kitchen gadgets that are taking up room in your kitchen cupboards. Perhaps you could store your towels in your bathroom and your sheets in your bedrooms which would free up a linen closet for kitchen gadget storage. If you aren’t using your dishwasher, you might want to remove the racks and get creative with an alternate use for that space. (I use my dishwasher to hold my recycling until it’s pick up day.) Don’t forget to look up, as well. There may be some forgotten space between the ceiling and the cabinets that, with a few shelves, could be used for storage or display. You know all those baskets you’ve been collecting over the years? Hang one above the sink to store your dish towels. Use an assortment of small baskets to store your tableware and napkins. Any way you can free up some cabinets and drawers by using otherwise unused space will help relieve the congestion and frustration you are now experiencing in your currently crammed kitchen.
Step Five: Food Storage
Your refrigerator, freezer, and food pantry is a different sort of challenge. Because you are restocking food items at a much faster pace than you are buying utensils, you will need to take stock of what you have on a routine basis and develop a master shopping list. This will help prevent wasteful spending by not duplicating food items, and by not having to throw out food that you’ve forgotten you have in the freezer.
The steps listed here should get you on the right track to smoothing out the kitchen traffic and congestion you experience every time you try to simply cook a meal. Of course, with any first attempts at organizing a room in your house, you’ll need to “tweak” it a bit along the way. If something just isn’t working the way you expected, give it a second go around. You won’t know until you’ve lived in your ”new” kitchen what works and what just keeps making you shake your head. This is the one room in the house that you are going to have to put in some real time until you get it just right. Have fun and don’t give up if you get frustrated or overwhelmed. Take a break… then get back in there!
Check back for even more kitchen organization ideas in coming weeks. I hope this gets you started!
The Biggest Network Marketing Event In The World
I am surprised at how many sales consultants in home party plan businesses are reluctant to take advantage of the world wide web. WWW is the largest network marketing opportunity in the world yet direct sales party plan reps usually fail to take full advantage of it. Successful business owners take full advantage of every network marketing opportunity available. This provides a varied clientele and a solid business. Almost all sales consultants have an web site affiliated with their home office corporate site. That is a good thing, and it is really not enough. A site must attract new visitors and the way to do that is to become search engine friendly, or search-able so that your site comes to the top of the pile. I know that some direct sales companies do allow linking and other practices that create search engine results but there are ways to over come that.
Create A Blog: On a regular basis post articles on your blog on your specialized field or topic. If you sell food storage containers, your blog focus may be on organizing your kitchen, on food, or any/or all other related topics. If you sell cosmetics, the focus of your blog is to develop a credible online presence as an expert who is there to answer any makeup question that is ever Googled. These articles need to be put up consistently, but not a lot at once. Like maybe one or two a week forever. After you have a good archive, you can cut back a bit. It is easy to create a blog and does not have to cost anything. Check out:
* Word Press Blog Service FREE : http://wordpress.com/
Link: Link your blog to your affiliate site. If your company allows you to create incoming links to your corporate affiliate site, you can link back to the affiliate site from your blog. It is easier to create traffic to a blog because you can create multiple pages that, down the road, will be indexed for more relevant topics. This will bring in more clients and then you funnel them into your affiliate site. If your company does not allow you to have incoming links to the affiliate site, then your blog can capture the emails through a subscription service and you can market to them in a newsletter that will then direct them to the corporate site.
Forward To Your Blog: The free blog address will be something weird like www.wordpress.com/myplasticcontainers . Take your blog one step further and forward a cool name so that it is easy to tell someone about it. It costs less than $10 to buy a domain name for a year, so your website will be www.AlicesPlasticContainers.com or what ever you decide to pick. Show Mom The Money has many tools to assist you in web site design. http://www.showmomthemoney.com/startasite.asp
Don’t let lack of knowledge hold you back. When I first stared my business 8 years ago I did not even have a web site and now I have 7 and can build pretty complicated sites on my own. I started with word press fee sites. The Word Press program is easy and anyone who has absolutely no knowledge on building a web site can be up an running in an afternoon. A balanced business depends on every form of marketing available. By not taking advantage of the millions of searches done every day for your product or service, is a business mistake because the internet or the world wide web is the largest network marketing opportunity in the world. Get it? world wide web = NET
Deb Bixler teaches systems to create cash flow in home party plan businesses. A system will work the same for every one who applies it. For more business systems go to www.CreateACashFlowShow.com
Bedroom Closet Storage & Organization Ideas
Let’s face it; the closet in your bedroom is a mess, you can’t find anything and you’re ready to scream! Wait! Before you go off, here are some easy bedroom storage ideas that will keep you happy, organized and sane.
Go to the nearest house ware store and purchase some Rubbermaid clothing boxes; a shoe rack; hooks; and a dozen or more hangers. While there, buy an under the bed storage box as well. Once you get home, here is what you can do.
* First, take everything out of your closet.
* Decide what clothes, bags, belts and shoes you want to keep and put the rest in a pile.
* Take the jumbo boxes and place your bags in one; and your summer or winter tops or sweaters in the other.
* Mark the boxes accordingly, and place them on the top shelf of the closet.
* Hang some hooks on the side of the closet for your belts, and everyday bags.
* Put the shoe rack on the floor against the back of the wall.
* Place the shoes on the show rack.
* Using the new hangers, place the clothes back in the closet.
* Place everything you are getting rid of into a large plastic garbage bag and call your local church or Goodwill for pickup in the morning.
Depending upon the size of your closet, and the amount of clothing you own, there may have to be some adjustments made. But for right now, you are set to go. Well, not quite yet. Is your bedroom cluttered? Then the next step is to clear up the mess. Discard any old magazines or newspapers. Place all your jewelry back into the jewelry box. Remember that storage box you purchased? You can use it to store excess items spilling out of your dresser drawers. Yes, you’ll have to go through them as well.
Once you are finished, you will be exhilarated for having taken on the job! More importantly, you will have more space available than you ever thought possible.
Now You See It, Now You Don’t
©Lisa Barker
If you have more than one child, you know that the groceries get divvied up before you even unload them. It’s called a ‘pack mentality’ and some things immediately go on the endangered species list the minute they’re brought into the house, things like:
Cookies, chips & Juice Paks for school lunches: Somewhere between the car and the front door they simply evaporate.
Hand soap in a pump: They never wash unless you tell them how to do so in great detail and yet there’s never any soap left in the pump.
Conditioner: We’ve got seven bottles of shampoo that are just less than half full, but there’s never any conditioner left except for that little bit of water to swish around the bottle.
Milk: I’m fairly certain they inhale it. The only time I see a full gallon of milk is in the grocery store. The jug in my refrigerator has only enough to coat the bottom of the container.
Paper towels: All I ever see is the empty roll. My kids use paper towels to dab the corners of their mouths and then toss them in the trash.
Tissues: These are used by the handful to sop up messes because there are no more paper towels.
Napkins: These are used to blow their noses because there are no more tissues.
Toilet paper: What toilet paper? Look, I’ve seen the laundry. I know the boys aren’t using any toilet paper and a third child is still in diapers. So where does it all go?
Orange juice: The kids think I’m joking when I show them a 4-ounce glass and tell them it’s for juice.
Cereal: The cornflakes and bran flakes will sit on the shelf for a month untouched, but the sugar bombs are gone in two days.
Sugar: Once they polish off the sugar bombs, there goes all the sugar on the cornflakes and bran flakes.
Bread: I think they all run to the kitchen and attack the bag at once, like mad squirrels, and sit there and nibble on it until it’s gone.
Ice cream: I buy ice cream by the bucket to save money. The kids eat it by the bucket because it’s there.
Peanut butter: The only peanut butter in this house is on the lid, the pantry doorknob and the dishtowel.
If my husband and I want to eat, we have to take a permanent black marker and write our names on the food we want. Don’t laugh. My husband has an entire shelf in the pantry with food with his name on it. It’s what you have to do when you live with children otherwise these people will eat you out of house and home.
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Jelly Mom™ is written by Lisa Barker, author of “Just Because Your Kids Drive You Insane…Doesn’t Mean You Are A Bad Parent!” and syndicated through Martin-Ola Press/Parent To Parent. To publish Jelly Mom, buy the book or leave comments, please visit www.jellymom.com.
Navigating Commercial Landmines
©Lisa Barker
I’m waiting for one of the kids to ask me what reptile dysfunction is. There’s no escaping the ads on television. I imagine how the talk will go so that I’m prepared:
“What er-reptile dysfunction, Momma?”
“It’s what happens when your frog can’t catch flies anymore. Or when your chameleon can’t change colors. Or when your lizard can’t grow a tail. Or when your iguana can’t….”
“Woman, what are you telling them?”
“We’re talking about reptile dysfunction.”
“Your getting your reptiles and amphibians confused.”
“Momma, what happens to Geckos?”
“They get upstaged by whiney cavemen.”
“What?”
“Don’t worry about them. They’re upstanding amphibians, I think, very charming and polite. And they can save you a lot of money.”
This is when I get ‘the look’ from one of my kids. The very same look I expect to get when I am a great-grandmother and they park me in the corner and send the great-grandbabies over to entertain me and I scare them by popping my dentures out at them.
“Oh, look! Our show is back on.” We settle back only to have our entertainment interrupted by more sponsors of products for adults.
“Momma, what’s a tampon?”
“It’s a magic wand that makes women wear white and dance around barefoot once a month.”
I don’t know what’s worse. Advertising these products for the general public to view—including children—or the brainless writers that actually think women dance around in white clothes when they’re having Auntie Flo over for tea. There’s no amount of anti-depressants, anti-water-retention, anti-crabbiness, anti-bloating, anti-aching that’s going to make a woman wear white for such occasions.
It’s like those commercials for women’s underwear where they have about twenty women dancing around in their skivvies because they are so happy with the fit. You’ll never see a commercial for men’s underwear done like that. Men have standards.
I teach my kids to respect another’s privacy and we’re all embarrassed to be caught in our underwear…but it’s okay to dance around in them on television because you get money for that.
“Momma, what’s herpes?”
“Uhhhhhhhh.” I can’t think of a good segue. What do I tell a five-year old? It’s a sickness that the man has and the woman really, really hopes she doesn’t have? Think, think, think…herpes, burpies…Slurpees!
“Hey, that reminds me! When’s the last time we had a Slurpee?”
Phew! We don’t dwell on STDs too much. But soon a commercial for Cialis runs.
“What’s ED?”
That again. “Er-reptile dysfunction.”
“I don’t see any frogs or lizards. I just see two naked old people in bathtubs.”
“The frogs are in the tubs.” Or are they toads? At that age you get a little bumpy like a toad.
“Ewwwwww.”
“Yeah. Ewwwwww.”
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Jelly Mom™ is written by Lisa Barker, author of “Just Because Your Kids Drive You Insane…Doesn’t Mean You Are A Bad Parent!” and syndicated through Martin-Ola Press/Parent To Parent. To publish Jelly Mom, buy the book or leave comments, please visit www.jellymom.com.
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